I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
