When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
