if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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