i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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