watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
