you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
