I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
