Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
