When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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