I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
