saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize