We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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