I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
