Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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