see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
