Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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