I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
