a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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