I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
