I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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