You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
