Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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