i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
