once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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