Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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