Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
