note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
