I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
foreskin is a definite game changer
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
