First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
