Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize