i think my mom watched the whole time
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
