Cold hands, warm shart.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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