it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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