you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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