There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
