I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
