Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
