Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize