Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
