Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
