You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize