True but thats because hes a fetus.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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