We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
