it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
