yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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