I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
