Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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