Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
