I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
