If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Mom said you looked used
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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