i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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