I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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