i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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