Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize