cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
