dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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