Non-Jews are for practice
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
