Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
