Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
