Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
