Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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