I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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