I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
