I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
