I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
