I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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