I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
