Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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