Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
