Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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