I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
