I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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