Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
