We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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