thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My ass is underappreciated
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
