wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize